Knockin' On Valhalla's Door
I must say I am honestly a bit nervous about this. I almost got up on the roof to take a picture of the ground for the last panel but that might have been a very bad idea.
Tomorrow I will stay away from sharp things, insects, and undercooked poultry. I will not go outside. I have people who will bring me things if I need them.
Tomorrow I may set up a "Deth Kam" so in case I do buy a farm you can get a nice screencap. Stay tuned to see if I die or not!
Bizarre Update #1: I have just purchased a brand new shovel.
Bizarre Update #2: Today while mowing, the transformer next to the fence blew a fuse. Upon closer examination, the lawn chair on which I was reading "Snow Crash" was directly below a power line (the power was out for nearly two hours).
Bizarre Update #3: While dragging a fallen branch out to the street (where two men who showed up to cut some branches away from the electrical wires parked their big wood chipper truck) I cut my right leg above the spider bite scar something awful.
Bizarre Update #4: My roommate Matt asked me a few days ago if I wanted to go to a to a big rugby party with him in Louisiana. I declined, stating the aformentioned reasons. Moments ago in Dallas, a man pulled a gun on Matt at a convenience store. He is fine, but we are all getting pretty freaked out.
posted by jeffrey rowland at 3:17:00 PM
108 Comments:
Am I drunk, or are there three copies of today's OC?
Just checkin'.
but jeff, what if staying inside results in your death too? everyone always follows the misconception that they will be safe from death inside their house. truth be told, that is probably the most likely place you will die. of course, since it is death ANYWHERE is pretty much the most likely place to die.
if you want to know the secret to cheating death, email me. i'll only tell you because you are cool and i don't want to see OC come to an end. and if you don't, meh it is your loss.
um, please don't die. sometimes dreams are WRONG jeff, WRONG!
-jonny
I am scared. Please don't die!
It's ribs are ceiling beams
it's guts are carpeting
I guess we have some time to kill
Whatever you do, when it is 11:59 saturday night, do not laugh about how you cheated death.
You will laugh so hard you will die.
1. I love Baby's dress. She looks a little, um, 15th century today.
2. Did you throw a Michael Jackson sparkly glove at death, or is it a chainmail glove? I can't tell the difference. I think the sequened Smoot Criminal glove is inherently more badass... if I had any say.
Hang in there, Jeff. If you survived a fiddleback bite only to die on a fluke, then the world has no justice. Stay good, J.Ro.
its april 23rd...
do you know where your soul is?!
What house is that?
If you survive tomorrow, bring back that awesome mullet.
Here's hoping I get to have a firm, round weekend. Alternately, a curvy, voluptuous weekend. I ain't picky.
Also, here's hoping you don't die, Jeff.
Also i think you should stay away from YOUR MOTHER.
-Andrea
You really oughtn't to have mentioned the shovel, Jeffrey. Chekhov's Law says that if a gun is placed on the wall in Act I, it must go off in Act III.
Then again, getting killed by a shovel going off would be kinda ... no! I must know whether Sheriff Pony finds true love or not!!! THOU MUST NOT DIE!
Remember, the fastest way to confuse Death is to tell it you are dead already. And don't be put off by the ghoulish smile, you have looked Wigu in his horrible mottled-green teeth and lived.
Just in case you do die, try and have fun, ok? You only get to do it once. Let us know if they have broadband in the afterlife. Cheers.
Are you planning on digging your own grave with your new shovel? Maybe you should dig the grave and then just hang out down there tomorrow. Either you will die (saving people the trouble of moving your corpse), or not die (emerging form the earth victorious over death).
http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/strips/2005/
april/a4o/050422iyr.gif OMG! No wonder he's pumped after fixing Wigu's teeth.
Yo! I just ordered a Joanna T-shirt. I did this while inebriated. I think this makes me cool.
I got inebriated alone. I think this makes me tragic.
Oh well, I'm joining my friends at the pub later, so I can live with that. Please live, Jeffrey!
If I know Jeffery Roland (and I don't), he's not gonna post anything anywhere for a couple of weeks and then he's gonna post some sort of gotcha! comic
I just realized, Sheriff Pony's love life is a lot like my own. He was in love with this girl, but then he saw her bad side, and he realized he was actually in love with the image he had created of her in his mind. Now, he still loves her, but he's not IN love with her. This is what I'm feeling.
See, this is why you should never fall in love with your friends. Yet, knowing this, I'm falling in love with my third one as I type.
Oh well.
Life sure isn't what I thought it'd be when I was eighteen years old.
"its april 23rd...
do you know where your soul is?!"
No it's not. It's currently 3:29 p.m. of Friday, April 22, 2005. I'm in Kansas, which is right above Oklahoma, which is where J Ro lives, so I know. Believe me, I know.
"its april 23rd...
do you know where your soul is?!"
No it's not. It's currently 3:29 p.m. of Friday, April 22, 2005. I'm in Kansas, which is right above Oklahoma, which is where J Ro lives, so I know. Believe me, I know.
Whoop! Double posted.
Well even if your death will be tomorrow (hopefully not though), you get to do all the fun and exciting things you've been writing about. Maybe Jesus will loan you his elephant. Die happy, die with love, die with loving-kindness, but don't die if you don't have to.
Scourge, dude, if he can ship 'em to friggin' Sweden, (and he can) he can ship 'em to Australia.
go limp.
Jeff, I'd like to know how old you are. I'd like to know this for one reason: I want to know how deprived I've been. See, I read your list of stuff you've done. The only thing I've ever done is hashish. So, I want to know how much catching up I have to do.
No pressure, though, d00d. If you don't die, that's good enough for me.
You are having people bring you things tomorrow? Do you trust these people? Can you trust these people?
If you were in Japan, you'd be dead already.
If I was in Japan, I'd have been dead monthos ago. From venerial diseases contracted from not-so-picky Ogals.
Man, you gotta love 'em Ogals.
That should be MONTHS, by the way.
You are going down dude!
I was born when you were and I've known since I was 10 when I'm gonna die, too. I'm watching this with total interest.
ok so heres what you do.
watch CSI or the price is right for like the next, lots of hours, and try to get a pretty good understanding of what a dead guy looks like. then go into your fashion nook and recreate your self, modeling yourself after the deceased. then lie kinda stiff in the corner, and then when death comes to take you hell think that someone is just out for his job and get pissed off and storm off, muttering something about complaining to the union. its works. im 798 years old.
--keith richards
Glove slap! Shut your big yap!
As an aside, we would also have accepted "I'll show ye!"
Fear not! Mitch Hedburg will watch out for you!
hey, if you do end up dying i hope you can find time to post a comic for the day before you go. no reason we should all have a bad day too.
Dude....
I read Snow Crash in like 1996 the best part is when the mobster guy ... uh, are you finished reading it yet?
If you die tomorrow, you're gonna let us know, right? It would suck if you died and forgot to tell us.
DO NOT FORGET PLZ
Man, if Topato can outfiddle the Devil, I'm sure you can outduel Death.
if you're reading snow crash, check out this guy's art site. He's all obsessed with snow crash, and a pretty good ar-tiste as well.
http://ariokh.deviantart.com
Snow Crash is a really nifty book. If you're alive after tomorrow, I can also reccomend Diamond Age and Cryptonomicon by the same author.
Remember, when duelling death, you don't want to go the Seventh Seal route and play chess. Or checkers. This guy's had all eternity to gain skill. You need to follow the path of Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, and challenge him to new games, particularly those that require physical skill, like Twister. That guy's just a pile of bones with no ligaments holding him together so it'd be hard for him to twist around without falling apart.
Personally, I'd give him a deadpool challenge: put a ton of money on yourself year after year. Not only is he out a lot of money if he takes you, but also, since you called it, you win.
Which would mean you live, which would mean you lose... Don't think too hard about it.
Man my roommate just got a gun pulled on him in Dallas. If it weren't for this whole thing, I would have been with him.
I will kick the hell out of Death at Mario Golf Toadstool Tour
I think we all agree that the world is a better place with the Jeffrey Rowland drawing us fun things.
And wonderful shirts, one of which I don now.
Baby's dress is lovely. She would rock in EGL getup. I might be a bit of a sick fuck.
Also, I hope you don't die.
Jeff, you are not allowed to die. The world needs you, Jeff. If you die, I will have to follow you like you did Mitch Hedberg, only I will drag you back by force if necessary.
Your work is not done!
YE that's what I meant
Don't die bro!
Cuckoo's nest cuckoo's nest!
-Bob "my goddamned password doesn't work" Talbot
I want to know what happens so much! This is a really cool prophecy. I'll be so excited no matter what happens.
If he dies, then that's really cool in the same sense that an explosion or something is cool. If he lives, it's cool in the sense that something good happened.
I hope you don't die, but if you do, be an awesome ghost! Remember, NOW is the time to swear vengeance and haunting upon your enemies! If you forget, the Ghost King won't let you work your spooky poltergeist mojo.
Best of luck in this world and the next~
-A recent, but devoted, fan
Wouldn't it be a hoot if you died TODAY, instead? I mean, wow, they really had you going there.
one: if you die, we shall forever know tommorow as 'the day the man died' and verily we shall drink. if you live, we shall forever know tommorow as 'the day that one guy lived.' and verily we shall drink. i've heard worse excuses to drink.
two: snow crash fucking rules. no ifs ands or buts about it.
happy earth day everybody
I gave up Catholicism a while ago, but I will still pray for you.
Yo Jeff, did you buy the Fresh Prince's Uncle's house in Belair?
Don't die, Jeff!
But, if you do, there is most likely a nice spot in Valhalla for you. You will be on the frontlines of Ragnarok, so you can forever live in the glory of battle!
Rock on!
Jeff I am a weightlifter in oklahoma and so help me god I will destroy this land if it claims you. >:(
Happy 23! I was just checking this as soon as it turned the 23.
Wow, 65 comments. That's gotta be some kind of record or something. I just felt I had to contribute. Don't die! Only 23 hours to go!
JEFF, if you die I will be forced to give up the word awesome in homage to you. THAT IS NOT A SACRIFICE I WANT TO MAKE.
p.s. please dont die.
Seriously though, I'm not like... hulk hogan huge.. but I bet with some pcp I could tear shit up in a rowland death induced rage. They'd be like "OMG CALL THE MARINES" as I rip pictures of topato into the pavement.
Dude, you can't die!
I might need to exchange a T-shirt or something...
Turns out my girlfriend didn't think the "not a doctor" shirt was as funny as I did. Even after I explained to her that "It's funny cuz it's true!" Sheesh. Women.
Have you rigged your computer to post a comic in the event that you're stricken with dying? Like, one of those "if you can see this comic, then I'm already dead, sorry guys" kind of things? That'd be mighty thoughtful of you!
You should be running madly around the world to stay in the 22nd as long as possible.
You can't die Jeff. At least not until next year, there have been far too many cool people dying this year.
This is the best cliffhanger ever! I'm on the edge of my seat hoping that you don't die.
Of course, if you do die, there'll be no one to draw the next comic, and that would suck because I hate unresolved cliffhangers.
If those Final Destination movies have taught us anything about death, it is that we're all suckers who wasted $9.50 a piece on that crapathon.
Oh, and Jeff, if you don't make it and die and go to heaven, do me a favor. wait till Tom Delay dies and goes to hell, and then pee on him from a cloud for me.
Wow, I only wanted to wish you a Happy Hopefully-Non-Death Day and had to sign up for Blogger... and Audioblogger... and Hello... and damn this is cool....
Anyway, good luck Jeff!
umm, here's my contribution
REMEMBER WHAT J.RO SAID NAMELY THAT IF WE BREAK 100 COMMENTS HE WILL NOT DIE AND WILL INSTEAD REIGN FOR 1000 YEARS AS A FAIR AND JUST KING
Transformer huh? That reminds me of something........
Oh, I forgot to mention, right now is the day you die, technically. Its 4:20 AM April 23rd, 2005. So, um, you better start dying pretty soon or you'll be late for your date with the Pope and the feeding tube lady and MITCH HEDBURGH. w00t!
Here's the really crazy thing.
If you don't die, there are two possibilities: 1.) your prescience saved you, or 2.) your prescience was actually just a crazy dream.
If you die, it could be A.) coincidence, or B.) your prescience was correct, and infallible.
1 and 2 are entirely unprovable. But, in the event of your death, B is more likely -- the odds of you assigning a date to die(particularly an odd one in your life) and then dying _accidentally_ or _naturally_ on that day are infinitesimal.
SOOOo what I'm trying to say is: if you die, you prove that fate exists. Or that you're a psychic. Only, you'd be dead, so being psychic might not have as many advantages as it would seem.
What a quandary!
I forgot; If you do die please tell Mitch that I'm still waiting for my incense. Thanks.
My body lie but still I roam.
Jeff, I live in England. It is 5 hours later here than where you live. If you can make it to 7PM your time, it is already the next day where I live, which means you have made it through the 23rd without dying. If you have any readers in Japan, you only have to make it to 10AM your time! Don't worry--the international Wigu posse has your back.
c'mon, j. ro, hang in there buddy
You really should be running around to make sure it's the 23rd as long as possible. Show the unrelenting forces of death what you're made of.
hi jeff, i hope you're still alive. if you are, i thought you should know that Overcompensating makes my heart smile.
also, fate? perhaps it's like harry finding out he will eventually have to battle Voldemort to the death... like how you're eluding death to the life....
anyway, your comique is fantastique!
If there is a book that will prevent you from dying by reding it, it is Snow Crash.
reading.
Jeff, I believe in you, an that might not be sayin' much but it's true, so keep on truckin fellow, and if you die, make sure you give 'em hell boy! give em hell!
Just help'n you break 100 coments Jeff, keep breathing there.
Dying is NOT an acceptable way to deal with the shipping backlog. At the same time, I've been told envelope glue is toxic in high quantities, so watch yourself.
-Gabe
Be like that cat on the branch, Jeff, Hang In There!
Jeff, I think it's time for me to tell you my unconditional love. I want to be the father of your children.
Three more. Three more and Jeff lives.
if you don't die i will consider baking you cookies!
Good luck today with the whole not dying scheme. Also, I have to go to the M&T Bank. Just thouht I'd let you know.
SURVIVE!
If you do die, and everyone writes about it in their blogs and livejournals, what kind of things should we say? The cliched "It's not how he died, it's how he lived" or "He would have wanted this to be a celebration, not a period of mourning"?
Or would you like the more entertaining sort of "Jeffrey Rowland is dead now. If you really loved him, take off your pants"?
Or would you want to go the Graham Chapman's funeral route, and everyone should be as shocking and disrespectful as possible because it'd be a better tribute than good taste?
*Starts composing "He is an EX-Rowland" rant, just in case*
101 comments is an unlucky number : this should fix it. Stay well and warm, Jeff; glad Matt's okay after the gun incident.
Jeff, don't die. If you do I'll be mad at you for the rest of your life!
Is anyone else fully expecting an OC update sometime tomorrow detailing how our prince J-Ro defeated death so handely?
I am.
Jeff, you can't die. You'll miss the Pudding.
-Damien
Hey Jeff just to say good luck today, I look forward to seeing your inevitable victory over the grim reaper in mondays OC, have a good sunday.
International Wigu Posse incoming now (see Jacob's post above). It's 01:56am 24th April in Singapore right now. JEFFREY LIVES!
That said, this is easily the most interesting blog entry I've seen ever.
If you've avoided death by the skin of your neck four times in one day, why not 'round it off with dinner at Milliways? :P
Take care, and best wishes.
Remember. If you die today, you will NEVER get to go to another Decemberists concert. And frankly, they rock and are likely only to get better. I have been to a concert and told them as much. So it's probably best if you don't die.
Pants.
Aw man, good fortune...
Stayin' alive... stayin' alive...
Peace and love, man.
- Benjamin
Jeff, it's journalism. We need an update man, do we need to run the pre-written laudatory obit or hold it and just run the usual tabloid muck about your sex life?
DEADLINES JEFFREY, GOTTA MEET 'EM
Jeff,
You have to stay alive... you just... you just gotta. I finally clicked on Overcompensating like... two days ago and found it so entertaining and if you die then... all hope is lost. I'll probably even begin using more ellipses than I already am.
I don't know what I would do, especially since I want that Joanna shirt because it's incredible. Wait. That's actually a really selfish reason for you to not die. I'm a big selfish jerk. Maybe you should die just to teach me a lesson.
Just...please don't. I won't even order a shirt if it would help you not die. I swear, I'll do anything Jeff. Anything.
Please... don't... Just forgive me for what I said just then, I didn't mean those things.
Please Jeff...
Please...
...I love you
Is he dead yet?
in case you do die jeff, i hope you have arranged your funeral and will and said your last goodbyes to loved ones and friends. just so you know, i think your comic is awesome and you're awesome & highly entertaining.
Come on, Jeff. You're way too badass to be offed by the Grim Reaper.
(Note: If you pull a deal with a devil thing, he prolly sucks at Street Fighter. Don't quote me on that though.)
Hm, it's been almost 12 hours since Jeff posted here. That's kind of scary...
Heh, anyone else reminded of Dead Like Me? Hope he hasn't seen any deadlings.
I agree with you about the way you view the issue. I remember, long time ago, Jack London said something like "Everything positive has a negative side; everything negative has a positive side." I also find it interesting to see different points of views and learn useful things in the discussion. Posted by: Richard Hill at May 22, 2005 08:59 AM
if it's written that you are going to die (propably there's a big book or something and itz called dezzztiny)
your death would be unavoidable so enjoy the little time you have left jeff, althought, since i'm writin these words a lil' late i know you survived..you big baby
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