Lobster Hot Dogs
The thing about obesity is that hardly anybody wants to be obese, yet a lot of people are indeed obese. Or maybe there is like a secret club that is into "extreme body modification." Maybe people get to a point where they say, "you know, I could stretch my earlobes out to the size of hubcaps, but I think I'm gonna weigh 600 pounds instead."
I have personally been both in "pretty good shape" and "dang near obese" I can tell you with confidence that being in good shape is way better. Just clench your butt cheeks while you're sitting there, even that is exercise.
posted by jeffrey rowland at 7:33:00 PM
17 Comments:
I had appendicitis a couple months ago and I can't stop thinking about my guts now. I so for totally know where you are coming from on this one.
Ha! You have the same moustache as him! But yours is much more kickass.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0595094724/qid=1100222790/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_2/102-9148820-5610519?v=glance&s=books
My butt cheeks are the strongest butt cheeks of them all. They clench like there's no tomorrow.
I can't believe you gave away the secret of the butt clench exercise!!! Now we're going to have flabby, blubbery people running around with really tight strong asses! This may bring the world to an end...It's all your fault Jeff...feel bad....very bad....
Why does everyone think there is something wrong with obesity? I think all men on the planet should become obese! Then I'd be the sexiest man alive!
Another one of those awesome little excercises you can do while surfing the web is sticking your tongue out and stretching it up towards your nose. Believe it or not, this is the best way to fight a double chin. Try it now and you'll feel the chin muscle tighten up.
No... Come on! The best way to lose weight and look better is OBVIOUSLY plastic surgery. BTW, it's interesting that I found this in the grocery store the other day... sorta relevant. They're baby TV dinners.
http://members.cox.net/fantomfreq/Livejournalpics/TVDinner.jpg
Hey, I know every time I think about my guts I clench my butt cheeks.
you know what sucks?
me, I'm thin. And I'm a girl. I was born that way, and its not my fault. Yet, there are people in the world who want to compliment me on this "achievement". This is what they say:
"You're so lucky to be so skinny."
Skinny. There's an awful adjective for you - calling someone a bag of bones covered with an epidermis as if its a good thing. One day, and only once, I will reply to this the way I really want to:
"thanks. I like your body fat."
(and I'll mean it, too.)
I just discovered your blog, I love your satires!
Oh and sitting not slouched is also exercise, it builds up your abs albeit veeeeeery slowly, like 50 years before a satisfying "six pack" abs. Of course by then you'll have to deal with wrinkles on your tummy.
Blinking is also exercise, blinking 300 times per second burns 150 calories :)
Hey anonymous - you said you want all the men in the world to be obese, because then you'd be the sexiest man alive - but you'd be obese too!
And to Plotless Violence: Although I agree with your overall sentiment, you DO realize, don't you, that a person who doesn't eat any food will only get progressively weaker? "Until they're strong enough to get it themselves" is a completely illogical statement.
But yeah, the people who continue to bring out the - what, like 15 bacon double cheeseburgers and the six milkshakes and the four extralarge pizzas every day while the obese person's flesh melds with the couch fabric (true story), those people need to be damn arrested. Besides which, how the hell do they AFFORD it??
And last, to Jeff, there is at least one woman who's actively trying to reach 600 pounds, apparently to please her husband. She has a website - http://www.gaininggoddess.com/ - which is, of course, not safe for work.
Love your site, by the way.
PV: Yeah, I figured you meant something like that - or "until their muscles and bones can support their weight" - but the problem is, for the really really obese, by the time their weight decreases to that point, unless they're under medical supervision to prevent it they've usually lost too much muscle tone and overall strength. (I work for orthopedic doctors and we do a lot of rehab on people in this situation: been inactive for years due to obesity, now losing weight - often through bariatric surgery - but their muscles have just atrophied from disuse.)
Really awesome visuals. Really enjoying your site. Living here in Korea, sometimes you need a site like this to bring the culture back.
Living in Zurich, Switzerland, is a lesson in Dull. Weather, People, even the dogs are Dull.
I was flicking and scrolling on the PC (as you do)when I found the whole bunch of Jeffrey Rowland`s cartoons and comments.
Now, I have to admit that Im a bit old to be sending out "fan mail" or "fan e`Mail" (which probably means somethings different in the USA anyhow) but the fact is I laughed like a drain. What a great mind the guy has.
I almost feel I should pay money for the hour of fun he gave me.
I wont of course, because Im much too mean, I think its living in Switzerland all this time that did it.
Thanks Jeffrey.
Regards
Paul Wade
Pulp-Kult
Jeff, though I don't know you, you are making me clench my butt cheeks right now. I hope that makes you happy, because it is a testament to your awesomeness.
I was just surfing by, saw the comment about cutting through an obese person's wall, and had to tell a story:
I volunteer as an EMT part time and I've seen some pretty strange things, but nothing stranger than a call we were dispatched for "difficulty breathing" and turned out to be a 550 lb man who couldn't stand up on his own. Every time he tried he turned so purple I thought he was going to go into cardiac arrest. He didn't fit on the normal stretcher and the Stokes basket couldn't fit around the corners, so we eventually had to call in the local fire department to cut a hole in his wall. The guy lived on the second floor, so we pulled up the fire truck, pushed him onto the rescue tower (it took eight big firemen to lift him), and lowered him to the ground using the truck as an elevator. Then we had to pull everything out of the ambulance just to make room to get him to the hospital.
So when you joke about cutting holes in big people's walls, careful! It really happens!
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