All Cats Don't Go To Heaven

When I was a young boy, they told me animals get to go to Heaven with you when you die. Now I'm not so sure about that. When I was all going to Church and stuff they made it pretty clear who gets into Heaven (affluent white people) and who doesn't get into heaven (homosexuals and empowered women). Since it's impossible for an animal to properly worship God or control its homosexual lust, then there is no other possibility for them than to spend their eternal afterlife in the fiery abyss, constantly being eviscerated and otherwise tortured by horrible demons, writhing in diaboloical agony until the end of time.

Enjoy the week-end and drive carefully.

To Heave And To Heave Not

Here is a rough of a new t-shirt design that is dropping next week.



In a desperate effort to reclaim some sort of a normal social scene after months of almost constant work, Poopmonster and I will be at Haymarket in Noho on Saturday night around eightish. I will have books and if you are over 21 I will let you help me move furniture down the street later that night.

We're also in the market for a used/refurbished Realdoll so if you have any leads please let us know.

Stop Being Mean To Women

According to NASA, women have to put up with an average of two and a half times more crap than men. I think women should get more respect, if for no other reason than being way hotter than men. Do the world a favor and respect a woman today!

I was going to "blog" about something else here, some sort of cutting-edge news, but there ain't nothin' new. Doomsday is near, all hope is lost, zombie attacks are imminent, and we are all in perpetual danger sudden, unexpected oblivion. Business as usual in the World of Homo Sapiens!

Doppelbanger

I posted on my Livejournal the other day about this dream I had, and I haven't been able to shake how creeped out I feel. Hopefully time will heal this strangely incestuous wound. It's difficult to go to sleep when you think you're gonna feel yourself up when you're asleep.

Later that day I was privileged to observe the insanely intricate artwork of one of Dumbrella's neighbors, Kathranne Knight. Would you look at that.

I am finally in the final stretch of getting the book pre-orders out; I expect to have them all in the chute, international and all, by midnight tomorrow. I'm not able to do email confirmations on these due to the number of them, but if you haven't received your pre-ordered book by May 2, drop us a line and we'll see what's up.

Time To Try Eternify

Let's be honest. Extremely wealthy people are simply better than everyone else! That's why we're developing a theological directive that is specially designed for the ultra-rich. People who squirt dishwashing detergent on their body sponges need not apply.

Eternify. You've got it all. We'll make sure you keep most of it... forever.

In regular people news, everything is almost shipped. If you have any questions regarding the status of your order, please email help({at})topatoco.com where ({at}) = @ because apparently everyone member of Nigerian Royalty and Chinese-speaking person in the world knows that address now. Also, I hadn't read Comic Strip in a while. I almost forgot how funny it is.

Anybody know what's up with those booms? If it's not UFOs, what else could it be?

And y'all can just get your hands off eternify.com. I already bought it.