My Big Announcement

Previously - VOTE FOR SCARFACE and KERRY EDWARDS AND THE EUTHANASIA PARTY

I am gonna clean up this planet, one way or another.

Also if you're at SPX this weekend (I will not be due to deadlines), be sure to pick up a copy of the new You Ain't No Dancer, in which you will find an Overcompensating Babies story!

I Am Going Here

Tallahassee and I will be at this thing!

CrazySexyHorny

So lately I have been thinking about my glands a lot and I started using organic deodorant because even though everybody says regular deodorant is safe to use it just... doesn't seem safe for some reason. Human beins is s'posed to stink to high heaven, it is the way of nature. I know some of you think this is paranoid but I'm the one who was once the focus of a federal investigation. Also I'd just rather take my chances with smelling kind of gross than dying any sooner than I have to.

I have updated the TopatoCo FAQs page to make it more entertaining and easy to understand without resorting to a series of monosyllabic grunts and swears. That's what I spent several hours on today. That and preparing for the impending War on Yankees Pitchers.

Mad Revenues

You know what the incentive is in running a small business legitimately? Absolutely nothing. Imagine trying to figure out a cell phone bill that's half in Latin that you get about nine times a week.

Stalking. Simplified.

Now you don't have to hunt down the MSN or AIM names of those 14-year-old girls in your area (or 16-year-old Congressional pages for that matter) ... all you need is their Myspace!

I know it's a losing battle I'm fighting here against the vapid behemoth that is Myspace, and I realize the people who are reading this already know that Myspace is the internet version of a Wal-Mart parking lot at 11:45 on a Friday night but... I can't give up. I will not go quietly into the night. I will not vanish without a fight. Poopmonster said it pretty good the other day.

Monotheocrazy

This comic kind of speaks for itself I guess. You got God on the money, you got Bibles in the courtrooms, gay marriage bans, polling stations that are in churches, faith-based initiatives, illegal abortion, and bans on stem cell research that are directly related to Bible rules. Will there ever be a vampire president? I don't think so.

But I'd sure like to see President Dracula. Ask Poopmonster about President Dracula.